GadGetZzz

Okay I'm getting a little creeped out right now. My husband has been looking at spy/nanny cams. He knows I'm not cheating. Just recently (3 months ago) I caught him having cybersex with an ex-girlfriend shortly after which he said he had a sex addiction (I believed that because his porn watching was growing more out of control as time went on) He has since been seeing a therapist but he wants to switch therapists because this one is kind of not there in sessions so whatever. Anyway I have parental blocks on his account on the computer and he has still managed to get on my account a few times to view naked pics or porn because I have forgotten to lock it a few times. I checked his history and he has been looking at spy cams. I don't want to confront him about it because I do not trust he will tell the truth. I'm worried our marriage is about to end. I'm not making any decisions yet because I am 3 months pregnant and I am very emotional and think that if I make a decision based on hormone related emotions I may regret it. But do you think he is being sick or do you think he has a legitimate reason for wanting a spy cam?

well
I can think of a few reasons he may do this, none of which are emotionally healthy and all of which are issues that should be addressed in his therapy

1- sometimes when a marriage hits a rough spot like this, the person making waves (in this case your husband) starts to feel gulity and gets paranoid that their partner might cheat
even though you say he knows you're not cheating, it still may be a fear that he has and a spy cam is his way of assuring himself that you aren't cheating

2- he could want the spy cam so that when he looks at porn, he can have the spy cam window up in the corner and know exactly where you are in the house
that way he can ensure that you never catch him in the act of looking at porn by turning it off when he sees you coming via spy cam

3- he could be trying to replace the porn with veiwing you
he may think that if he watchs you shower and change clothes daily that he can substitute that for his usual porn veiwing and use your naked body as a means of weaning himself off of the porn

if his counselor is not helping him then urge him to see someone else, of course he should try each counselor at least 4-5 months before switching, but sometimes it takes a few different counselors to find the one whose personality and approach best match your husband's needs
if he doesn't like or doesn't get along with a counselor then he'll never make any head-way in his therapy
and this type of addiction is life-long, even if he gets through it now, he may still struggle for the rest of his life

so far you seem to have done everything right, staying with him, supporting him, trusting him as much as you can (but also knowing when you can't)....he is lucky to have a wife so loving and understanding
I wish you luck

2008-12-08 09:12:47 by Amanda R

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